|What Happens in Vegas, Your Sister Blogs About (And Tells Everyone She Knows)
||[May. 9th, 2006|01:40 pm]
I managed to leave work right at the time I intended (because I decided that morning to attempt to leave at 10 a.m. and thusly finally left at the original time of noon) on Thursday, and was able to have everything packed (packing the night before is for losers) and the car loaded by 2 p.m. I was very impressed with myself until about 20 minutes into my drive. There was much forehead-smacking and expletives when it then occurred to me what I had forgotten: my entire toiletry bag, which was sitting on my counter, by the toilet (get it, toiletries?), where I had put everything I needed so that I would not FORGET TO PACK IT. Yeah, and this included, um, my BCP’s, in addition to other unimportant items such as deodorant, hair mousse (you don’t want to see my fro without that!), contact lense stuff and make-up. $60ish later, I solved that problem (I, or rather my mom, who kindly picked up my prescription, had to pay the full $40 for the BCP’s because the insurance company will only cover them a week before I need them) with trips to the pharmacy and Wal-Mart. I mean, I’ve forgotten things like chones before, but my entire bathroom life? Ack!
Still, I even had enough time between arriving in LA around 8:30 Thursday and leaving for Vegas on Friday afternoon to get a haircut and eye-brow wax (thank God because I was looking like a Yeti) from my little sister. I had my bags packed when Amanda came to get me, and everyone else arrived at her house in a timely manner. Her friend Brandi had offered to drive the 5 of us in her Expedition, and her friend Shannon was able to coordinate loading all of our crap into it with minimal fuss. We hit the road early enough to miss most of the De La Hoya fight traffic, and enjoyed the drive for the most part. There was one seat switch between Amanda and I, so that she could sit in the back and watch the Hangin Tough video (gag, New Kids on the Block…my apologies to fans, but yikes!) with her best friend Cyndi, and at one point Cyndi tried to steal my bottle of Gatorade to pee in. But otherwise, our little group got along famously, chatting about explosive diarrhea and anal and swallowing versus spitting and Shannon’s boss who eats his ear wax, and laughing. Oh, and every truck driver on the road kept ogling my sister, so we had endless fun with that.
When we finally got into town and managed to find a Food For Less to buy liquor from (we got two different bottles of vodka, some Red Bull, and some Sprite) so that we wouldn’t have to buy so many drinks, it was pretty much time to start getting ready for the evening. We each made a drink, and the four girls started pulling out like 56 different shirts that they all mixed and matched. I have to say, that was the one time when I felt the size difference between us all…part of the fun of a girl trip is being able to wear someone else’s cute-ass shirt, and no one else wears my size (although Shannon has big breast implants, so I suppose I might have fit into something of hers). Cyndi insisted that I wear my black halter, so I mostly sat and judged everyone else’s choices. Oh, and I became completely frustrated with my newly cut hair because it is kind of big now…and Amanda and Shannon tag-teamed on my make-up.
When everyone was finally primped and fabulous, we headed to Coyote Ugly, which was just down from where we stayed at NY, NY. In case you haven’t seen the movie, Coyote Ugly is a bar named after the situation you get in when you have such beer goggles, you don’t realize how ugly the person you went home with is until you wake up in the morning and have to gnaw off your own arm like a coyote, just to escape without waking the beast. Also, the bartenders are hot chicks, some of whom dance on the bar and have microphones, which they use to berate you into drinking. Pretty early in the evening, the girl with the mic told Cyndi that she and her friends needed to get their asses up on the bar to dance and get free shots (girls get in free, too…the place loads up with paying guys who want to have access to a bunch of drunk hoochies they might possibly score with). So we did. I think we went up there no fewer than 5 times throughout the night. Each time, one of the girls would pour something (I have no idea what booze we were getting) straight from the bottle into our mouths. Plus we took turns buying rounds, so I had at least 5 beers, and at least 2 Jell-o shots, in addition to the 2 vodka and Red Bulls in the room. Yeah, we were all completely effed up. Still, Brandi had the presence of mind to hit the deck whenever they sprayed water on us…her hair was beautifully straightened, and she did not want frizz.
When we decided we would head to the dueling piano bar next (the one in Reno is so fun, so I was totally looking forward to it), Amanda, Brandi and I figured we should go up to the room and put on some flats. My sister kept saying, “My dogs are barking,” then she would bark a few times. I had taken my shoes off and sat on the bathroom counter at one point, and some random girl said something like, “You haven’t had enough to drink if your feet aren’t numb.” I was just proud that I hadn’t taken my shoes off completely in the club, like I did at Altitude in Tahoe when we went up for my friend’s bachelorette party. I do not advise this behavior, no matter how much your feet hurt. Sticky and gross…Anyway, when we got to the room, we changed our shoes and shirts, but somehow I ended up laying on the floor between the beds (I remember sitting on the floor to put my shoes on, but I have no idea how I ended up on my back), and Amanda was half-asleep on one of them. When I started dry-heaving, that sealed the deal that it was time for bed. I think that was around 2 a.m. When Shannon and Cyndi came in around 5, we were dead asleep.
On Saturday, everyone except Shannon and Cyndi was up around 8, and we decided to go grab some grub. I felt funky, but thought food would help immensely. I was totally dressed and we were walking out the door when I realized that yeah, I needed to puke. Which I did. Then I lay back down, and S and C decided to get up while the A and B went to get food and Bloody Marys for hair of the dog (I couldn’t even think of taking a sip…bleccch). While S was in the shower, I had to puke again. Did I tell you she’s a saint? So I ended up sleeping it off while the others went down to the pool. When they came back, I was feeling so much better…good even. So we got dolled up again and started walking down the Strip. Brandi was saying how low maintenance the whole weekend had been, and how we should do this every year, which sounded like a great idea to me. It was warm, not hot outside, and it was so relaxing just chilling with the girls. We ate at PF Chang’s over at the Aladdin. God their food is grubbin. We were seated upstairs, and my sister was lovely enough to remind me not to fall on them, just before Cyndi stumbled and nearly fell herself. After dinner we strolled around the Strip some more and generally took it easy since we were going to get up and be on the road by 9.
Neither Brandi nor I had been on the roller coaster at NY, NY, so we headed that way. The other 3 were going to go do some shopping and maybe play some slots. A couple of minutes after they left us in line, Amanda popped her head back in and told us to meet them at the room instead. We figured that since it was almost 11, they must be tired and were going to get all packed up for the trip home. So we went on the coaster, which was almost worth the $12.50 it costs to ride (I love me some adrenaline). When we were done, we decided to go ahead and do some shopping for her kids and try to hit a roulette table since we knew once we went upstairs, we wouldn’t come back down.
We must have been gone about an hour. When we walked back into the room, everyone turned and stared at us. The scene just looked wrong. I think it was my sister who said, “Yeah, Cyndi broke her ankle.” Of course, at that moment there was much hubbub and guilt. Apparently she fell down on the stairs that lead away from the roller coaster, and they decided not to tell us because we wouldn’t have gone on the ride. The whole outside part of her left ankle looked like it had gulped up a golf ball. So Amanda and Shannon took her to the emergency room while Brandi and I finished packing up the room. They called around 2:30 a.m. to let us know they would be heading back after they picked up her prescription. Then Amanda called back a few minutes later to tell us the hospital was under lockdown because a gunshot victim had walked in unescorted. Brandi and I caught a little sleep, then we headed home around 4 when the girls finally got back to the hotel.
The drive home was much more subdued than the trip there. Brandi drove, and it was my job to keep her awake. The other 3 were in and out of sleep. It took us three tries to find somewhere to eat that was actually open. We finally stopped at the McDonald’s in Barstow around 6:30 (2 ½ hours of starving!). So everyone was fully awake to see that when we got on the freeway, traffic was completely stopped. Turns out there was a rollover and someone had to be Life Flighted after being unpinned from their truck. We sat there for about 45 minutes with the engine off. Fortunately, we’re girls, so we chatted. Mostly we made fun of Cyndi, telling her that falling off the bar at Coyote Ugly was a better story than down the stairs, and that she just couldn’t stand that there was no drama on our trip. Once the traffic cleared, we made it home in good time and everyone went to crash.
The moral of the story: never point out that things are drama-free. Reality will bitch slap you good for that one.